Warning! This prompt contains spoilers to my short story, Cirque. If you would prefer to read it fresh, click here first.
I struggled with Chapter Eight… a lot. I understand there is darkness in this world. But I struggled with creating more darkness in the name of art. If it wasn’t clear, we learned from LaKeisha (SPOILERS!!!) that Campbell tried killing herself with her bare hands which resulted in her slipping into a coma. Chapter eight is Campbell’s confession that she gives during the periods of coherency. It was meant to be scattered and fragmented.
I’ve always had an idea of how I wanted to end this but as I got closer and closer to the end, I began to question whether I was doing the right thing. I wanted Campbell to kill herself even before I wrote chapter one. It was necessary. But I really loathed the idea of making another teen suicide story. This generation is pretty depressive as it is. Life is for the living. Death has no place in this world. Yes I said it. Death has no place in this world other than to remind each individual that their own is eventually coming. The possessions of the dead aren’t revered. The bodies of the dead aren’t preserved. The ideas and memories of the dead are rarely shared and with each generation a little more about who died is forgotten or distorted.
There is a scene in my short story, Cirque, where Campbell reveals the saddest thing in the world, to her, is imagining her best friend (who took her own life) immediately looking down on her body and regretting what she had done. And because art imitates life, naturally this happens to be my saddest thought. To do something so irrevocable and then regretting it, to me, is just the most wretched thing I can imagine. Everything can be taken back while you are alive. Everything can be resolved. The idea of leaving this earth with things unresolved is a terrible thought. The idea of killing yourself and regretting it…is the saddest thing I can imagine.
I am not a girl who actually believes that video games or rap music—or whatever argument they make nowadays—makes people violent. This is not what I will be saying. But we take in so much from the media, from home, from work, from people that I just feel the energy has to go somewhere. As a conscious being, I am aware that I am responsible for what I put out into the universe. Even if I only affect one reader. I had qualms about putting out a chapter where a girl is choking herself to death, even if it fit what was necessary for the story.
Faerytales is the glass-half-full side of me. There is goodness in this world. The Anthologie is my glass-half-empty side because there is also evil. As much as I want to be a girl who only gives happiness and sunshine and rainbows, it’s unrealistic. So my art is both. It is who we each are. It is what this world is…until we can all come together and create something different. And if it isn’t quite yet clear, this prompt is me justifying my own ending to me and only me because that is what I need to do in order to feel okay with the negative energy I am transferring to whosoever reads it. I am a weirdo…but if you’ve been reading my words you know that already.
Anyhoo, I am excited about my next story. I haven’t decided which one I am going to start next. I don’t have anything ready just yet. All I know is that it will be a bit lighter. But of course, you’ll be the first to read it here when I do. I hope you enjoyed Cirque and even if you hated it, I really appreciate you taking the time to read it.
These are my random thoughts for today.